New York Shitty Day Ender: A Tail of Two Larrys

Earlier today I was bantering with a buddy of mine online. He, not unlike myself, has a heat issue (READ: he has none).* My first and only piece of advice to this gentleman was as follows:

If the problem persists contact the Borough President’s Office.

I myself have done this and the results were quite frankly amazing. Not one, but TWO Department of Buildings Inspectors showed up the next day. They made it clear Marty sent them. Inasmuch as we disagree on many issues I have to give credit where it is due: Marty understands the value of constituent services. Which brings me to the subject of this post.

Inasmuch as I have mulled over a possible career in politics the truth of the matter is I do not think it is for me. It takes a certain amount of, how should we say— moral flexibility— to gain and retain elective office in this fair city. This is something I woefully lack. Or do I? After today’s sequence of events I am beginning to wonder.

The following tale has all the elements of a good Greenpoint story: neighbors coming to the defense/aid of a fellow neighbor, deception and a catnapping. NOTE: certain elements of this tome have been changed/obfuscated to protect the guilty.

Many of you who live in north Greenpoint are undoubtedly familiar with this establishment. It is pretty much the last bodega to be had until one reaches Eagle Street. I frequent this business often. Granted, some of their prices are a teensy bit high but if it means not having to schlep to The Garden I am willing to pay for the convenience. It is presided over by two lovely young women. And Larry.

He may not look very happy in this picture (he isn’t) but it’s understandable given the circumstances. You see, Larry— and a fair number of folks on Manhattan Avenue— have had a very eventful week.

It all started on Monday. I stopped into the bodega to pick up some groceries. The cashier, who we will call “M” was despondent. I asked her what gives.

We’ve lost Larry, she said.

I asked her what happened. She didn’t know for certain but surmised he either ran off or someone stole him. The next day I asked her colleague, who we will call “N” if he had come back. She told me he had not but hoped wherever he was he was safe and sound. Now jump forward to today, Friday, November 6, 2009.

Larry da Junkman (who will henceforth be referred to as Larry #2), a local celebrity, Seth, and I are bantering. At one point the subject of ladies of the bodega comes up. We all agree they’re really nice. Then Larry says (to me):

When I saw M today she looked like she was on the verge of tears. Do you know what’s up?

I replied:

Didn’t you hear? Their cat has gone MIA.

Larry: When, yesterday?

No, several days ago.

I replied.

Larry: I wonder why she is so upset.

Me: I don’t know but I am going to go over there and find out.

When I entered the bodega I did not have to say anything. M gave me the whole sad, story. Here it is in bullet points:

• Apparently a patron of said bodega had spied Larry in the possession in of a woman one block away.
• He/she informed M of this.
• M took the matter up with the store owner in her building of residence.
• He was rude and/or unresponsive to her.
• But apparently passed along word to Larry’s captor as…
• She stopped by the bodega on Wednesday and told M she would return Larry on Thursday.
• This never happened.

Wanting to make sure I understood M correctly (there was a bit of a language barrier at play) I walked over to the building in question, took a photograph of it, and walked back to the bodega and showed it to her.

Is this the building?

I asked.

She answered to the affirmative. I headed back to the junk shop without delay. Seth, who was standing out front, noted my anger and inquired as to what came to pass. I growled:

Someone is gonna be in a whole world of hurt.

He and Larry #2 quickly calmed me down and had me recount M’s story. They too got pissed and headed over to the bodega to reconfirm what I had told them and develop a plan of action. This was when the Greenpoint magic kicked in.

As it would happen M had a picture of Larry on her i-Phone. Larry #2 and Seth took said i-Phone and paid the business in question a visit. The proprietor, who we will call “O”, at first seemed intransigent but eventually gave up the goods:

• Larry’s self-elected hostess was an old and rather daft cat lady. In the purest, piss-stained carpet “cat collector/hoarder” sense of the word.
• He has known her for ten years and she has done this sort of thing before.
• She has usually come around to doing the right thing in the past. Eventually.
• She has neither a buzzer nor a telephone, but he would remind her that M wants her cat back.

At some point Larry #2 threatened to call the police if said catnapper didn’t return M’s cat. O seemed to be unfazed by this. But he, in fact, was. As we later learned.

Long story made short, shortly thereafter O paid M a visit stating that “two men” had come to his business inquiring about her cat. And as I was consuming a much-desired margarita this evening at Papasitos I saw M walking down the sidewalk with Larry. I quickly dashed out to learn what happened.

From what I can gather O did in fact speak to the woman in question. And in an inspired bit of trickery, he intimated that the “two men” who inquired about Larry’s whereabouts were police officers. I realize this is morally (and possibly legally) questionable, but then again so is taking someone’s cat and refusing to return him his rightful owner. On that note, I am happy to announce that as of 8:00 o’clock tonight Larry is back on the job!

Sort of. He isn’t too crazy about the leash but given what it took to bring him home, it is probably a good move on M’s part. In closing M confided in me that she is concerned Larry (who is neutered teenage male with a few more wild oats to sow) may get loose (or stolen— this was never clearly established) again and is mulling over adopting him out to a good home. Anyone who is interested in adopting Larry can shoot me an email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.

Miss Heather

*My heat and hot water has been blissfully restored (the landlord has to make repairs to the boiler) and I am pleased to announce I have taken a much-needed and desired BATH!