Comment Of The Week: Terrify

I noticed the Village Voice linked to me yesterday. It was regarding what I will probably always be known for: bedbugs. I encourage you to read Mr. Edroso’s tome; it’s quite good, if a bit(e) general. 😉

When you’re done with the previous read the following comment from a reader in “East Williamsburg” terrifyandcreate writes:

This is about the picture of the chair with the bedbug sign. I like your blog and look at it every couple of days. Much to my surprise I saw a picture of the chair I put out. I put that sign on it and spray painted red all over it. The upsetting part of this photo is the 3 chairs that are missing! That’s right. I put 4 chairs out the night before. The other 3 had seats and also had bedbug warning signs. They were gone the next day. How is the bedbug problem going to stop if you actually put signs on furniture and people STILL take them? Also people that have lived here for 15 years call this area southside. I still can’t figure out exactly where East Williamsburg begins. Or is this Southeast??! Again thanks for your blog I usually smile or laugh when I look at it.

For the record, terrifyandcreate, I’d call your location “Southside”, but I am certain pundits (real estate agents mostly) would call it East Williamsburg. Call it whatever you want, the fact of the matter is bedbugs are a SERIOUS problem in north Brooklyn.

A problem which this city seems unwilling or unable to deal with. People have asked me why I care so much about this given I have not had bedbugs. Very simple: I know people who have bedbugs. It’s horrible. What’s more, I do not want to get them.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photos du Jour: Advice

visit your great grandparents…

have some supper and ask them,
really ask them how they are…

From Bushwick Avenue.

Miss Heather

Subway Poster du Jour: BAD IDEA

From the Rockaway bound platform of the L train at Montrose Avenue.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg’s Summer Of Love

Awakening to a beautiful day (by August standards, anyway) I decided to knock off work and take a relaxing walk. My instincts told me to go to East Williamsburg. It has been my experience that there are always interesting things to be found in this neighborhood. Today was no exception. As you will see.

East Williamsburg is tops when it comes to community gardens. This tableau makes my hard little Garden Spot heart green with envy.

While The Garden Spot of the Universe might aspire to be the next Garden of Eden, someone on Garden Street has already achieved a state of primordial innocence. Good for him. East Williamsburg: 2. Greenpoint: 0.

But when you get right down to it, East Williamsburg and Greenpoint have a great deal in common. Take tony wine stores and pet boutiques, for example.

Or a glut of luxury condominiums (like these on Stagg Street). Been there, done that.

And lest we forget: bedbugs. This has got to be the best warning for a piece of bedbug infested furniture I have ever seen. The street cone is an inspired touch. That’s the one thing I have to hand to our neighbors to the south; they’re very considerate and terrifyingly creative.

This makes me feel right at home.

And when all words fail, East Williamsburg (being the artistic haven it is) more than makes up for it by fabricating objects to show their affection.

Fuck casseroles or cakes. This is the best damned condo-warming present ever!

Miss Heather

Looking For Companionship?

I know the situation all too well. It’s summer and while all your friends are cavorting on the beach with their best gals you are all alone. Well cheer up guys, love always manifests itself in the strangest of places. And, well, if you can’t find Mrs. Right there’s always Miss Right For A Price.

Unfortunately I cannot help you, dear readers, with assistance regarding the previous. But rest assured I can most certainly help you locate the latter. Got your pencils ready? Let’s go!

Step 1. Hop into your minivan and drive down to Broadway between Hewes and Hooper Street.

Step 2. Park your car in the spot indicated by the red arrow at right. Note the presence of health clinic to your immediate right.

Step 3. Roll down your passenger side window and wait.

Step 4. If all goes according to a plan a five foot tall, 160 pound 40-something woman wearing nothing but yellow top (nightshirt?) pressed into service as a mini-dress will be sitting nearby with two grocery bags filled with stuff.

Step 5. Make eye contact with this woman.

Step 6. The woman will walk over to your minivan (whose passenger side window you have thoughtfully left open) and lift up her “dress” to show you her breasts. These are encased in a pink eyelet bra.

Step 7. You say no dice.

Step 8. Wishing to sweeten the deal, your new companion will pull up her “dress” once again to reveal a pair of brown mesh panties. She proceeds to pull these out so you can inspect the goods.

Step 9. You are on your own from here, kiddos! But be advised that a police station is located just around the corner.

Step 10. Be sure steps 1-9 are executed at 1:30 on a Monday afternoon.

Happy hunting!

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am not kidding. I actually saw this come to pass (in the plain view of several other pedestrians) last Monday afternoon. It was like a friggin’ flashback from Full Metal Jacket. If you’re wondering, the man in the van did not take her up on her offer.

Live Like A Hipster King!

I have become magnificently obsessed with the illegal hotel hostel at 249 Varet Street. I’m serious. I almost want to go down there and spend the night so as to assure myself the New York Loft Hostel is, indeed, for real. When I find advertising copy like the following (from hostelworld.com) it only fans the flames of my burning curiosity.

Ten minutes to Union Square? From Morgan Avenue?!? What the hell are these people smoking? But I guess time doesn’t matter if there is no curfew. That’s what being a “Hipster King” is all about!

You know, when my husband and I eloped we never had a honeymoon. We just ate lunch at Fernando’s Foccaceria, hopped on the G train and went back home. Methinks an extended conjugal visit at the “Mixed Dorm Ensuite”* is just the thing to put the fire back into our marriage!

Miss Heather

*With shower/toilet facilities in room. Showers (be they yellow or otherwise) for the masses! Hallelujah!

Introducing The New York Loft Hostel!

I happened across this flier at the Northside Pharmacy today while running errands. After recoiling from yet another gratuitous use of the grossly over-used term loft, all I could muster in the way of a response was What the fuck?!? As soon I got home I looked at their web site. What I found was quite interesting. Amenities include:

1. Free Internet
2. Free parking
3. Free cable television
4. Free long distance calling
5. A 2,000 square foot garden replete with jacuzzi and pool is promised in the future
6. Manufacturing space for upstairs and downstairs neighbors

Well, I actually learned point #6 by checking out the Department of Buildings’s web site. I guess at $25.00 a night this is a pretty good deal. Unless of course someone beats you senseless at the conveniently located Morgan Avenue stop of the L and steals your wallet.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Check out their advertisement on Craigslist! They’ve lowered it to $19.00 a night! WHAT A DEAL!

Lest the previous has been pulled you can see it by clicking here.