The River Street Scrivener

September 21, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

riverstreet2

bedroomsuiteTHUMBSome of you might remember this interesting find which I made last month: a squat cum-open air art gallery I found on River Street between North 1st and Grand Street (as seen above and at left). You can read my post about it in its entirety by clicking here.

Anyhoo, I have walked by this site numerous times since. Once I found a gaggle of crusties hanging out there— but they didn’t strike me as being the the kind of folk who would be responsible for this.

frootloops1NYS

I recently learned I was correct.

scrivener

It’s this guy (seen busy at work around the corner on North 1st Street).

River Street WritingNYS

The River Street PapersNYS

When he runs out of paper chap presses into service whatever happens to be at hand.

JoeyNYS

Walls.

Taped MessageNYS

Inside a roll of tape.

Dear CaitlinNYS

SkittlesNYS

Writing On The WallNYS

Harvey Weinstein Is Godnys

But mostly walls.

All the previous and more can be seen in larger format on my flickr page. Enjoy!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Impressive

September 17, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Tonight the Mister and I took a short stroll around the Garden Spot. During our jaunt we stumbled upon something most unexpected and delightful. Something which cannot adequately be described in words.

bike1

Fortunately I had my camera on me.

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bike3

bike4

The Mister really liked the disco balls.

skull

Those of you who are out and about this evening (or tomorrow morning) can find this ride cum objet d’art in front of Belvedere XX on India Street (between Manhattan Avenue and McGuinness Boulevard— closer to McGuinness). Check it out— photographs hardly do it justice.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Putting The “Man” in Manhattan Avenue Park

sexiful1

Jay Lombard (who sent me the delightful images gracing this post) writes:

Wish you were here! Older gentleman in speedo. Glad to see some one is using the park… Best I could do without getting too close. Got the moon and the sun at the same time today.

sexiful2

Take THAT Long Island City!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Change You Can Believe In

August 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Manhattan 

Sanloco

Last night the Mister and I entertained a visiting friend in the East Village. One of the stops on our itinerary was the San Loco on Avenue A, as one of my best friends, Rachael, was scheduled to bar tend there. San Loco means “saint crazy” in Spanish; this is rather apropos given Rachael usually works the closing shift and as a result interfaces with— how should I say— the more eccentric elements to be found in the East Village. Whenever we meet up she always has a “goodie bag” of stuff she has collected and many a good story to tell.

This evening was no exception— what’s more I learned about a previously unknown candidate in the Mayoral race: Albert Duffy.

bloombergbombNYS

But he prefers to be called the “Bloomberg Bomb”. I think. It’s sort of hard to tell:

As your mayor, I will always protect my constituent’s like all like all N.Y.C. BOROUGH presidents, Council members and LAW MAKER’s. Who all have thier (sic) hands DEEP in my POCKETS. Me and my “bluBillion Dollar Blue Boys “own and control ALBANY and will continue to manipulate, ABUSE and DEMORALIZE every sector of society. Especially the personnel of the FDNY/NYPD. Call me a “Bloomberg BOMB”!…

On the other side of this flier (both of which can be seen in larger format by clicking on the the above or following image) is a tome entitled “If I Were Mayor of New York City”) which outlines Mr. Duffy’s/The New American Freedom Party Are all mentally ill’s platform for reform.

ifiweremayorNYS

My favorite passages are as follows:

We would organize a committee to amend the Constitution to reward anyone who gives back to our country by joining our military. We would guarantee that if anyone dedicates themselves for the safety and protection of our freedom, and becomes disabled, all their needs will be taken care of. Like free medical/hospitalization, employment training, job placement opportunities, adequate housing and free public transportation.

It would appear that this chap has not heard of the Veteran’s Association. Then again, maybe he has: it’s not like they have gotten much positive publicity of late. As for the matter of public transportation, our mayoral aspirant has some rather interesting ideas on that front:

We would organize a committee to design and construct a (free) Monorail System that will replace the old failing system that we presently depend upon.

And lastly, the coup de grâce:

We would organize a committee to amend smoker’s rights and designate smoking areas in all NYC Irish Pubs, Taverns and Restaurants. (Ed. Note: emphasis mine)  If you don’t like it? Go outside.

If this sounds like the kind of change you want to see in our fair city come November, dear readers, you should note that Mr. Duffy was thoughtful enough to provide a bank account number for interested donors at the end of his mission statement. The more eagle-eyed among you might have also noticed that this is “Part 1” of his xerographic campaign for mayor. This would suggest there will be a “Part 2” and maybe even a “Part 3”.

I can hardly wait.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Faux Pas

August 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

OopsMyBadnys

This heartfelt apology was captured by Pam Pollis and forwarded to me by Rebecca11222 via an email simply entitled “Mistakes were made”. Great catch!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Oh yeah— if any of you meet a chap named Joe on Olive Street near Cooper Park you might want to keep a bucket handy.

Williamsburg Video Du Jour: “A Moral Society”

July 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Tony, (who brought the following to my attention) writes:

I officially now have a man crush on Lawrence LaDouceur.

Study For “A Moral Society” from russel fong on Vimeo.

WOW.

Miss Heather

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Summer Doldrums

July 1, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Huron Street

forsale

Lorimer Street

blackcat

Franklin Street

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McCarren Park

nannyland

pornman

It would appear those new trees Mayor Bloomberg planted are not the only wood to be found in McCarren Park nowadays.

PORN!

Perhaps the folks at the Parks Department should offer the naming rights to the McCarren Park Pool to Larry Flynt? I am certain he, just like this gentleman, would rise to the occasion.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Wish Fulfillment

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

glindagoodwitchOn June 20, 2009 I wrote in this post:

…Anyone out there know how I can take the audio when this man screams “Fuck this shit!” and make it the ring tone for my cell? I ask because the more I think about it, the more I really want to make this happen.

I asked for it. The next day I checked my email, clicked my mouse twice and got it! E. C. Groom writes:

…Please feel free to pass along to whomever or however you want – heck, it’s yours! Glad I could assist. Feel free to request any future tidbits you’d like to get sound files for…it’s relatively ez… I’ve already set “Mr. FTS” as my basic ring tone…

Those of you who want to take a little bit of Greenpoint wherever you and your cell phone happen to find yourselves can do so by clicking here.

Ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, in-laws, outlaws, drunk dialing friends, bill collectors— the possibilities with this ring tone (and mischief in general) are endless.

There’s no place like home!

Miss Heather

Image Credit: Glinda Good Witch of The North (as played by the delightful Billie Burke) from The Wizard of Oz comes courtesy of Sofachip.com.

New York Shitty Video Du Jour: Howl

June 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

There are many times I have considered erecting web cam so as to document the occasionally disturbing and often entertaining and ever-evolving “street theater” that takes place on Manhattan Avenue in the wee hours of the morning. I mention this because last night I pulled an “all nighter” preparing a friend’s costume for the Mermaid Parade. At times it got pretty tedious, if not a downright boring. Fortunately at around 3:30 a.m. (when I was growing very weary) I received a little unexpected and much appreciated pick-me-up in the way of a late night soliloquy.

Which brings me to the following video; I am not too sure what the fly in this man’s proverbial ointment was and truth be told I do not think he knew either. But I have to concede that he has quite an economy with words. Especially a certain four letter one which happens to start with “F”— in all its manifold incarnations, usages, and conjugations.

He marched up and Manhattan Avenue shouting his screed for some time. No one seemed to take notice, much less care. That is until the very end of our feature when a woman rather vocally objects to his “language”— while using a little of her own!

Their exchange had a Johnny and June Carter Cash meets north Brooklyn quality I found quite compelling, so be sure to listen for it at the end. Enjoy!

Anyone out there know how I can take the audio when this man screams “Fuck that shit!” and make it the ring tone for my cell? I ask because the more I think about it, the more I really want to make this happen.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: People In My Neighborhood

June 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

chinupsatthepencillofts

Today was a red letter day for yours truly here in the Garden Spot of the Universe. My morning kicked off on a less than auspicious note. After being awakened by Con-Ed tearing up the street in front of my apartment dazed, and more than a little confused, I mistook a bottle of depilatory for sunblock. Luckily I discovered my error quickly enough that I didn’t go blind or end up looking like this.

Nonetheless the utter stupidity of my mistake (and the din outside my living room window) put me in a very shitty mood. When queried by my buddy Larry da Junkman as to how I was doing— unlike many people who ask how you’re doing (in the expectation of the perfunctory “good”, “great” or “how are you”)— Larry actually cares. I told him the ugly truth:

I have been forced to listen to my street being jack hammered for six hours straight while waiting for Verizon to repair our Internet line. They never came. I am in a rotten mood and I’m going for walk.

That’s what I love about New York City; if you want to be left the hell alone you don’t seclude yourself in your home like Howard Hughes, you go out. Barring being run over by a car you can rest assured no one will trouble you with small talk or other time-consuming (and soul-sucking) banalities. Hell, even if you are run over by a car the odds are pretty people will probably leave you alone. For a city where privacy is pretty much a hit or miss affair New Yorker’s are very respectful of each others need to be alone with one’s own thoughts. But I digress.

Perhaps it was the brief glimpse of sunshine this afternoon or my choice of apparel: gray pants, gray thermal top and Mao hat— gray— but my quest for solitude did not happen. Quite to the contrary: a number of gentleman were quite eager to make my acquaintance. I suppose it just goes to show how misguided some women here are in regards to their personal appearance. When it comes to attracting the opposite sex in Greenpoint, chuck the glam and look like a very dour, pissed off one woman cultural revolution waiting to happen instead.

Then again my taste in men has always been a bit eccentric. Just ask my husband. On that note here are a couple of wonderful chaps I met while knocking around the Garden Spot of the Universe while trying to be alone.

joe

Name: Joe
Location: Monitor Street

I’ve featured Joe on New York Shitty before. He’s a regular at McGolrick Park, playing Hank Williams and Johnny Cash songs for the enjoyment or apathy of fellow park goers. Today we met, talked country and western music and he played a few songs for me. Here are a couple selections. Enjoy!

Joe seemed to be surprised I knew who Hank Williams was. Once I told him I was born in Waco, Texas he seemed to understand. We discussed Hank Williams II and III. Joe saw the latter on North 6th Street once and came away nonplussed:

Hell, I sing Hank’s songs better than he did! You gotta put heart into them.

If you happen upon Joe at McGolrick Park ask him to play “Folsom Prison Blues”. It is totally worth the lengthy and very informative and enjoyable discussion you will have with him afterward. Joe has an encyclopedic (and thoroughly fascinating) grasp of music and life in general. What’s more, Joe is a sweetheart who happens to live on one of my favorite thoroughfares: McGuinness Boulevard.

eddieandcoco

Name: Eddie
Location:
Leonard Street just south of Greenpoint Avenue

You can imagine my shock and delight when I crossed paths with the man who gave D.I. Fulton an earful at last month’s 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting. Eddie was kicking back on Leonard Street enjoying a ciggie and a brewski with Coco (as in Coco Chanel— he was very adamant that her namesake be known) when he saw me taking a photograph of 157 Greenpoint Avenue* (which is pretty craptastic— and for rent!). He exclaimed:

Take a picture of my dog!

Not wishing to incur Eddie’s now legendary wrath I gladly obliged. What followed was a conversation in the purest academic sense of the word.

You do not argue with the Plato of Greenpoint. You sit down, shut the fuck up and listen. And today at 6:00 p.m. I was his eager pupil— or captive— take your pick. I was his Aristotle albeit without a bottle. Not that I needed one: Eddie had a 24 ounce can of Budweiser which he had been clearly nursing for some time.

Jesus, the King of Kings, can shill wine as much as he wants. This is Greenpoint and the King of Beers is the power behind many a discourse here. My tutorial with Eddie was no exception. He said (while pointing at his chest):

I like the New York Rangers. They suck.

Who can argue with that?

Miss Heather

Post Script: Lest any of you are wondering about the photograph gracing the beginning of this post it hails from the comatose Pencil Factory Condos. The chap in said photograph, a teacher, decided to start getting in shape for the summer by doing a few chin-ups on their sidewalk shed. He opined:

People pay $70.00 month for a gym and never go.

I replied:

The world is your gym. Be it spelled G-Y-M or G-E-M. It’s yours. I like that. What’s more, I for one am glad to see you’re putting this sidewalk shed to good use. It’s not like they’re using it or anything.

*The headquarters for Women For Yassky run by one Susan Anderson of Anderson Capital Management. If this name sounds familiar, fellow Greenpointers, it is because this woman heads the org “Town Square” and surreptitiously let Exxon Mobil participate in and fund Earth Day celebrations at McCarren Park in 2008. She really got her panties in a wad when the (inevitable) protests came to pass.

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