From The New York Shitty Inbox: Spring Has Sprung!

Lindsy writes (on the evening of March 17, 2010):

I went to park at the end of Manhattan Avenue this evening while walking my dog.  I didn’t have my camera and the one on my phone is a joke.  There is a tree full of Peep chicks in a variety of color.  They are stuck onto the branches and also surround the trunk.  There also is some silly string around the base of the tree.  It was a sweet surprise and a great contrast to the factory building and the liquid waste basket known as the Newtown Creek.

I suppose it should go without saying this morning I headed to the scene in great haste.

The Peeps have indeed come to roost!

Signs of mirth were present.

The silly string has since been relocated about twenty feet to the west. Why, I do not know. I have learned it is better not to dwell too deeply upon such things.

You can always leave it to Greenpoint to be on the vanguard of springtime merrymaking. While the hoi polloi were busy celebrating St. Patrick’s Day we have advanced to Easter. Screw what the calendar says; we’re not going to let a piece of paper get in the way of our good time! Perhaps somewhere in rodentia heaven Fatboy has seen fit to smile upon us?

Miss Heather

P.S.: Lindsy was not the only person to take notice of the Peep tree.

Todd waxes poetic:

Ahhhhh the miracle of life, the endless cycle of regeneration, the bright neon that signals the approach of the equinox!!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day From New York Shitty!

March 17, 2010 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Area 51 

Eat, drink and be merry fellow Greenpointers! Everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Java Street

I don’t know about you but this on-again, off-again drab weather is really getting my goat.  If for no other reason because I am holed up in my apartment. And when I am holed up in my apartment I look around, see what a total and utter fucking mess it is and try to clean it up. When I start cleaning I embark upon a journey of discovery which invariably ends in self-recrimination. Last week, for example, I found my college transcripts (I graduated magna cum laude, lest you are wondering) and my MFA diploma stashed under a July 1984 issue of Hustler.

I fully realize this would qualify as “failure” to most people. Thankfully I grade my life on a bell curve. More than anything I am angry at myself I kept that magazine and tossed the Playboy with Barbara Bach in it. But I digress.

This morning I decided to head this cloyingly constructive behavior off at the proverbial pass: I went for a walk. When I reached the end of Java Street I found something rather interesting.

I quickly surmised mere photographs did not adequately convey this objet d’art. So I shot some video footage of it.

As I was about to walk away I noticed the Marlboro man bears an inscription.

I’m Chris (indecipherable).
Stay in school or you’ll be a bike horse man!

So there have you. Stay in school kids, or you might find yourself shackled for all eternity somewhere on Greenpoint’s waterfront. Believe you me when I write this: it ain’t for the feint at heart.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Tamatoes For The Masses!

This item comes courtesy of FakeHipster, who writes:

Dear small child,

I found your survey stapled to a billboard at 13th and 3rd. I really liked it and decided that I had to have it. I’m sorry if I threw off your survey results (though we both know the only answer is “yes only! yes only! yes only!”)

It is now hanging in a place of honor on my fridge.

Your friend,

Spike

Indeed.

Miss Heather

Word Of The Day: Ingenuity

February 28, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, BAD ASS, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Although I have featured this ride earlier this month I couldn’t resist passing along a few shots of its latest incarnation.

The freecycled windshield (which the Mister has told me is the back of an old iMac) is an inspired touch!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Black & White

February 23, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Okay, I’ll admit these above imagery does not do this vehicle justice (try taking photos from a moving bus— it is not as easy as you may think). The OCD manifest here is compelling nonetheless. Note they Holstein print seat covers, fuzzy dice, assortment of beanie babies (black and white all) and the maneki neko. NICE.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Loses One Of Its Best: Luis Rivera R.I.P.

February 8, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

A number of you might have noticed that the menagerie at the corner of Bedford Avenue and North 1 Street hasn’t quite been up to snuff of late. Well, today I learned why and I regret to inform you, dear readers, of some incredibly bad news.

The man responsible for these tableaux which have delighted many a passerby over the years, Luis Rivera, has died.

Luis and I were not on a first name basis— but we knew each other one and the same. I often braved the madness that is Bedford Avenue for the sole purpose of seeing his latest creations. I made it a point to tell him how much they delighted me and occasionally he would tell me the story behind them. Arguably my favorite was from September of last year: he had his hallmark gorilla clad in a dress shirt sitting in front of a computer monitor with an airplane bottle of brandy.

He’s looking for an online date.

Luis explained. I laughed.

Goodbye, Luis. I suspect I speak on the behalf of the many people who loved your sense of whimsy but never knew your name when I write you will be missed. May you rest in peace.

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can see more of Mr. Rivera’s handiwork by clicking here, here and here.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Not Your Mother’s Scrapbook

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Area 51 

If there’s one thing being a junkstress has given me it is some insight into the human condition. Every day is a new day and with it comes boxes upon boxes of stuff— formerly someone else’s stuff— for me and my cronies to sort through. This appeals to my inner anthropologist. Usually this process is boring— but sometimes it isn’t. Which brings me to these scrapbooks:

They look innocent enough, yes? Never judge a book by its cover.

Yup.

Needless to say the Mister found them of interest. Before I settled into bed with a hot cup of tea to parse someone else’s (meticulously documented) fantasy life (with a shot of P.J. O’Rourke on the side— I was feeling dirty) we glanced at a few pages.

Me:

Is that Candice Bergen?

Maybe I should do this?

Inquired the Mister. I glared at him and turned the page. As luck (?) would have it, when I did we were sobered by a rather explicit photograph of a mass grave at Bergen Belsen. That ended the discussion. He went into the living room to quaff Old Fashions and watch Turner Classic Movies. And I got down to business.

Observations/Discussion from the Chez Shitty Forum:

1. It is an admirable, if abject, testament to perseverance.
2.
It’s a “Who’s Who” of boobs from the mid 1940’s to 1980.
3.
It’s like watching Spike T.V. without actually having to watch Spike T.V. (I’m not complaining, it’s better than Lifetime.)
4. When I see this level of documentation (at right), it gets my respect. Albeit as the expense of the mainstream press.
5. The man who assembled this personal archive (and after much debate the Mister and I agreed only a man would do something like you see at left) was a (to use my crude parlance) a “Bucket of KFC” kind of guy: breasts, thighs and legs.
6.
He appears to a have a fondness for blondesbut red heads make an appearance every now and then.
7.
Points #5 and #6 would explain the total absence of Audrey Hepburn, arguably one of the most beautiful women— inside and out— to ever grace this mortal coil. Too lanky. Too brunette.
8. Me to the Mister: I’m surprised this man didn’t graduate to pornography. (Flips page to find a spread— in the most explicit and literal sense of the word— from Swank magazine entitled “I Have A Dream”. ) Scrub that.

One can only wonder what Martin Luther King would think of this.

CAVEATS:

  1. If pin-ups upset you, do not look at this slide show.
  2. If the the female body in general upsets you, do not look at this slide show.
  3. If knowing someone, somewhere thought Angela Lansbury was sexy upsets you, do NOT look at this slide show.

Without further ado, here are some highlights from my 100+ page excursion to Girlieland. Enjoy!

Before anyone maligns me for being “offensive” I would like to point out:

  1. Tits and ass are nothing compared to atrocities human beings are capable of inflicting on each other. Which do you find more offensive: this or this? The latter merits front page coverage nowadays (just look at the New York Post), the former is the stuff of sexual harassment suits (which, it should be noted, is also something Rupert Murdoch, et. al. is contending with).
  2. While feminist, I do have a sense of humor. Send out the reporters! Stab me with a needle! I will bleed! No need to erect a cucking stool to dip my agitating person into Newtown Creek. I will not go to Woodhull. I will go to St. Vincents. I have health insurance!
  3. I would not have been able to write such a tome if there were not brave women who cleared the path for me: Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Germaine Greer, Gloria Steinem and…

Uh, nevermind…

Miss Heather

EXTRA SPECIAL PROPS: Go out to EV Grieve for capturing the latter most turd. I re-posted it here, albeit without your permission, but with proper credit. As for P.J. O’Rourke, if you’re reading this: you’re the only Republican I’d have dinner with— albeit with a very long fork! Oh yeah, I’m a vegetarian and you’re paying.

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Guernsey Street

I have watched this (which hails from 189 Guernsey Street) evolve over the years. I have been told it is supposed to be a trellis for grapevines. I’m not so sure this is the case. Anymore, anyway. It has become something more.

Much more.

This may very well be the Garden Spot’s solution to the Watts Towers.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Greenpoint Fashion Watch

Today was a long day for yours truly. For this reason the Mister and I went out to dinner. It was on the way home we met this gentleman.

Just as you, dear readers, probably just did; I took a double take of his headgear.

Is that what I think it is?

I asked.

It’s a hat.

He replied.

Well, I like it. Do you mind if I take a picture?

I shit you not the guy blushed! It took a little persuasion but he agreed to let me take a picture of his very special chapeau. For someone wearing such a item this chap was incredibly bashful. Truth be told, I found this kind of cute. So I decided to up the ante.

That’s quite a package it’s sporting… but I suppose if you’re going to do something half-ass you shouldn’t do it at all.

Both he and the deli clerk found my observation hilarious. I suppose it is funny— but what else can you honestly say about something like this? Other than, perhaps, it takes someone with serious cojones to wear it? I only wish I had the hair to pull it off.

Regardless, I give this fashion statement two enthusiastic thumbs up!

Miss Heather

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