Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Fulton Street
Filed under: 11222, Asshole, Bloomblight, Brooklyn, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, New York City
This post goes out to the campaign worker who hit my buzzer at 7:00 p.m. this evening and asked me (by my legal name— which indicates she culled it from the voter registration rolls):
Hi, (my legal name) I’m a campaign worker for Michael Bloomberg. Do you plan on voting for him this November?
Me:
No, Thank you.
My buddy at Queens Crap thought I was showing traces of my Texas upbringing: humble hospitality. Hardly. I have made up my mind who I want for mayor…
and it is Montgomery Burns!
I suspect I speak for many of my fellow Greenpointers when I write that I have given up on decent (not exceptional, above average or even average) representation (for our taxation). Many candidates (and the self-appointed pillars of our community who backed them— you know who you are) cloaked themselves in the sanctimonious cloth of reform in the months leading up to the Democratic primary and run-off. And these same people, the reformers, engaged in some of the sleaziest campaign practices, tricks, duplicity, chicanery and outright intimidation I have ever beheld. Probably because they were seeking sinecures— but that’s my humble opinion.
If I stated, for example— and this is totally hypothetical— that the McCarren Park Soccer League’s email list was used to solicit votes David Yassky or Bill DeBlasio I’d be totally out of line. If I stated (once again, for example— hypothetical) that youths 18 years and older in said soccer league were hired to canvass for Evan Thies before the Democratic primary I have no doubt it would net me a nastygram from a lawyer.
But I am not suggesting either of the previous came to pass. I’m just hypothesizing. I have a very active imagination. The pillars of my community have reminded me of this. Often.
James “Jimmy” John Walker, one of our fair city’s more corrupt (if charming, dapper and loquacious) Mayors summed my cynicism when he said:
A reformer is a guy who rides through the sewer in a glass bottom boat.
What does “reform” mean when we are forced to choose among candidates whose records REEK? Candidates who have clearly dipped their tootsies into the sewer of New York City real politik and will promise anything to anyone in order to get elected?
For this reason I am backing Burns. Burns is honest about his corruption. He promises nothing. He does not claim to be a reformer and as such I can anticipate being screwed six ways to Sunday under his regime. In this regard Bloomberg is much more circumspect. The true hallmark of a masochist is the anticipation of punishment. I am not a masochist. It’s a matter of control.
I prefer to take my medicine upfront— and make Mike my bitch.
Miss “Sorry Staten Island, you’re on your own*” Heather
P.S.: For more information about how Montgomery Burns Bloomberg will lead this city into 21st 19th Century click here. Caveat: be ready to laugh your ass off. Who knew plutocracy and political disenfranchisement could be so fun(ny)?
*This is satire.
Happy Pulaski Day From New York Shitty!
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, New York City
Yes, fellow Greenpointers, it is the big day! Those of you who are interested can get the full rundown today’s festivities by clicking here. Happy merry-making!
Miss Heather
Lost In Greenpoint: Green Card
I found this flier today on Manhattan Avenue between Kent Street and Java Street. By I “Greenpoint” I am presuming this person means Greenpoint Avenue. If you have seen Mr. (or Ms.?) Tutka’s green card do the right thing: contact him (or her) at the above telephone number. Thanks!
Miss Heather
Open In Greenpoint: The Bell Is Back!
Yes folks, the long wait for liquid cheese is over. The Taco Bell/KFC megaplex on McGuinness Boulevard is (back) open for business. What’s more, now it’s halal!
Taco Bell/KFC
208 McGuinness Boulevard
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Miss Heather
A New York Shitty Love Connection
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit, Queens, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Some of you might have gathered from the preponderance of non-Greenpoint content of late that I have been lurking our fair city. This is because my inlaws are in town and they want to see the sights, sounds, and yes, SMELLS of the Big Apple during their brief stay.* Fortunately I have my good friend Rowan and Crappy to keep me in an “outer borough” state of mind.
It all started with a corn stalk (which can be seen at left). My inlaws happen to reside in Iowa. Corn is very common there. Corn is not, however, very common in Greenpoint (which is where this stalk was found). More specifically it was found on Bushwick Inlet between North 14 Street and North 15 Street: an ill-kept, trash ridden sidewalk which sits atop brownfield.
I found this fascinating. Enough so to write a post about it. A week later I walked by only to discover that someone had killed the corn— and the cobs were nowhere to be found.
Rowan (who provided the above photograph) wrote on September 28, 2009:
Saturday evening, around 6:30pm, I decided to check the corn plant. It’s broken in two. Photos to come, but I’m a bit sad that someone destroyed it. Also the Marlboro packet was still there.
To wit I replied:
I noticed that today. Even more frightening is the corn appears to have been taken. Presumably someone ate it. YIKES!
This morning I had the pleasure of moderating Rowan’s rebuttal:
Someone’s going to have very toxic corn poops.
Shortly thereafter I received an ominous email from Queens Crap. It read as follows:
Do you, in your vast annals of dog shit photos, happen to have one that’s laden with corn? If not, you will when I get home from work tonight.
I replied that I did not have such a find in my “vast annals”. Follows is Crappy’s reply:
You won’t be disappointed.
I wasn’t.
This delightful artifact was found at the intersection of DeKalb and Cypress Avenue in Ridgewood. It is proof positive that my buddy across the creek knows blue chip crap when he finds it.
Yummy.
Miss Heather
*And they most, assuredly have. They walked by the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Plant on Thursday afternoon and partook of a particularly fragrant subway ride today.
New York Shitty Day Starter: Of Love & Loss On Newtown Creek
My Josh/J/Jawsh/O dog,
Good luck in Cincinnati
You’re fucking awesome
I’m glad I met you!
<3 Chelsea XXX
Dude, you fucking rocked my world.
Good luck in the future,
<3 Chelsea
Dude, you fucking rolled my world.
Good luck in the future,
<3 Chelsea
From the scenic overlook of the Pulaski Bridge.*
Miss Heather
*Where you can find these handy new signs for your walking and bicycling pleasure!
GAP AHEAD
GAP
I apologize for the poor quality of the previous two images. It is difficult to take photographs at night (or any other time, for that matter) on the Pulaski when bicyclists are coming at you— at high speed— from both directions. One safety-helmeted lass (riding like a bat out of hell— clearly her own safety and getting to Brooklyn was all she cared about) was kind enough to shout at my mother-in-law (who is visiting our fair city) to get out of her way.
On a lighter note we were provided live entertainment in the way of a NYPD speedtrap cunningly laid in place on the Brooklyn side of the Pulaski. From our eagle-eye view we watched New York’s Finest ticket two people in the course of (maybe) three minutes.
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Muggings & A Toy Drive
Rose writes:
Hi Heather,
I’m a frequent reader of your blog and a fan!
I was just going to email you about a toy drive at Matchless this Sunday, but then I heard about a bunch of people getting mugged in the neighborhood lately, so here is 1 email with info on 2 things – opposites!
1. A group of local parents have organized a toy/baby item drive this Sunday at Matchless from 11-3. Many local parents found themselves with gently used items or doubles of things and wanted to donate them to two organizations that will put them to good use! People can donate clean stuffed animals, gently used clothing up to size 4T, childrens books, strollers, high chairs, boosters, kids cds, playmats, etc… The toys collected will be donated to these 2 places:
We ask that people consult the following web sites as there are some things that aren’t accepted.
TOY DRIVE
October 4, 2009 11:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Bar Matchless
557 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Then Rose goes on to write:
2. 6 people have been mugged in the area around St.Stans/Newell/Diamond Street. Apparently there are 2 guys in a car and one of them has been jumping out and grabbing purses and wallets quite violently. I don’t know if weapons are being used. If you feel so inclined to ask the precinct they might be able to give you more info. They are on the lookout for 2 vehicles – a black durango and a purple/burgundy van. These muggings have mostly taken place around 10/11am! They are checking surveillance videos from St. Stans and they may have one of them on video using a credit card. Please tell people to watch out and help their neighbors if they see someone getting mugged! My upstairs neighbor was one of the victims and there was a man near her on the street and he didn’t do a damn thing.
Thanks Heather! I’ve lived in the 11222 for almost 10 years, and I hate seeing our crime rate go up. Your blog is a VERY good resource and I appreciate the fact that you care!
Thank you, Rose, for bringing these muggings to my attention. Be mindful of your surroundings fellow Greenpointers.
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Tit Tours?!?
Open House New York is a little ways off (October 10-11) but once my buddy over at The Newtown Pentacle brought the following to my attention I had to pass it along. STAT:
Newtown Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant
329 Greenpoint Ave/ Humboldt St, Brooklyn
neighborhood: Greenpoint
Sat: 10:30 am – 3 pm
Sun: 10:30 am – 3 pmContinuous open access, first come basis, lining up if necessary
Regular open tours, first come, first serve basis – open dialogue tours of digester eggs, Sat & Sun 11 am – 1 pm, every half hour with Greg Clawson, project manager, Polshek Architects and Jim Pynn, DEP plant superintendent.
Maximum people: 20 per tour
Building date: 2009
Architect: Polshek Partnerships
Dominating the local skyline with its stainless steel digester “eggs,” this wastewater treatment plant is the largest of the 14 NYC Department of Environmental Protection plants. The new facility is also home to a Nature Walk andVisitors Center.
Yes kids, weekend after next the Garden Spot will represent at this year’s open house by letting the people access explore her, uh, more infamous assets. I can hardly wait!
Miss Heather
P.S.: VISITOR’S CENTER?!?
NYS Flickr Pool
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