Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Happy Valentine’s Day From New York Shitty
Filed under: Area 51
I can’t say this is my favorite holiday (in you you haven’t noticed, I’m not really a box of chocolates and bouquet of flowers kind of gal), but even I can’t resist posting this amorous parking meter.
Lovely Rita meter maid, nothing can come between us,
When it gets dark I tow your heart away
Standing by a parking meter, when I caught a glimpse of Rita,
Filling in a ticket in her little white book
In a cap she looked much older, and the bag across her shoulder,
Made her look a little like a military man
Lovely Rita meter maid, may I inquire discreetly,
When are you free to take some tea with me?
Miss Heather
Bushwick Photos du Jour: Grove Street
Filed under: Bushwick
When I awoke this afternoon (Yes, you read me correctly: I was up quite late doing some prep work for tonight’s dinner— which will be chana dal with mint sauce. Yummy.) I was shocked to see how many hits my post about “New York City’s ugliest new building” had received. When I write the previous my intent is not to boast, rather, I am shocked so many people would want to look at something so soulless and depressing.
Let’s face facts: the world can be an ugly enough place already. Why do the developers responsible for these building see fit to make matters worse? It’s probably just plain ol’ greed, but life is about a lot more than money. For this reason I am going to share something of a decidedly more upbeat nature today.
And you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything more cheerful than this great house on Grove Street.
The shrubbery is spray painted silver.
Not only is the fence painted sky blue and festooned with flowers and tinsel…
but the garbage cans are painted to match!
How could a person possibly feel unhappy in an environment such as this? There are only four words to describe how the above photograph makes me feel:
I
LOVE
THIS
HOUSE!!!
Miss Heather
Ridgewood Photo du Jour: The Number of the Beast
This is what greeted me when I exited the M train at Seneca Avenue last weekend. First they’re invoking the Illuminati and Satan, then they ritually sacrifice a minivan. Methinks I might have been all wrong about Ridgewood: it is QUITE an interesting place.
Miss Heather
The Churches Of Bedford Stuyvesant
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Although it is common knowledge to many, I have to say that one cannot grasp the sheer number of churches that grace Bed-Stuy without going there in person. I have seen as many as five on one block. Pretty amazing stuff, seriously. Last weekend the spirit moved me to review and select my church of choice. Here are my three finalists:
The terra cotta tile work on this (formerly) Catholic Church is absolutely beautiful, but I have never been big on gaunt, wide-eyed saints looking imploringly up at the sky. They give me the creeps.
We’re getting a little warmer with this one, but I suspect I would have a very difficult time keeping a straight face whenever Ms. Bowels is called to the pulpit. Yeah, I’m immature. Sue me.
NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!! Any church whose Baptismal font is a toilet is my kind of place! I do not recall what the name of this establishment is (Church of the Immaculate Excretion?) but I am headed down there right now to make sure I have a front row seat for their next christening.
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Aluminum Siding, Volume XIII
If any of the following describe you:
- I am the Wicked Witch of the West (and cannot bear water)
- I am Count Dracula (and cannot withstand sunlight)
- I want to have the most badass water slide on the block.
the house of your dreams awaits on Woodbine Street.
Watch out for that fence, it’ll poke ya!
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
No need for long tresses hon, the siding is there! Weee!
Miss Heather
Dick Wilson, R.I.P.
Filed under: Williamsburg
November 17, 2007 was a dark day in toilet paper history. That was the day Dick Wilson —better known as Mr. Whipple, the fondler of many a pack Charmin toilet paper— passed away at the healthy age of 91. I remember feeling sad upon hearing the news, but my life is one of infinite distraction and I promptly forgot about it.
Thankfully some have not: like this sad reminder at the intersection of Flushing Avenue and Whipple Street.
Poor fella. It really broke my heart to see this street sign in such an inconsolable state. I have been mulling over ways to cheer up this sad sack and celebrate the joy Dick Wilson gave us during his 23 years as Charmin’s spokesman. Today I finally had a breakthrough. My proposal is as follows: we rededicate this street to television’s very own Mr. Whipple and erect a nice plaque to his memory. Follows is a conceptual rendering of the finished product.
Some of the more cynical among you might be wondering what this man ever did for New York City? Well, he did have a hand in presenting a certain neighborhood in Queens to middle America.
The first commercials Charmin shot featuring Mr. Whipple were filmed— I shit you not— in Flushing.
Miss Heather
The Ugliest New Building in New York City?
Those of you who have a minute or two to spare should check out this week’s Forgotten-NY slice about Flatbush Avenue. Not only is Kevin Walsh in particularly good form, but he also saw fit to give yours truly a nod:
Over at NewYorkShitty, Miss Heather has posted a photo of the ugliest new building in New York City:
It’s at Gates and Wilson Avenues in Bushwick, in case you want to sightsee, but it could be in fab Flushing, it could be in Astoria, Bay Ridge, or anywhere else the Fedders are flourishing. Exposed gas/electric meters? Check. Fedders? Check. No setback or any attempt at privatizing the windows on the bottom floor? Check. Garden variety, everyday architectural garbage, what NYC will look like 25 years from now, if the icecaps don’t melt and we’re all under water using scuba suits or genetically engineered gills and fishtails.
Thanks for the shout-out Kevin! But I have some bad news for you: this is not the ugliest new building in New York City. That dubious distinction (in my humble opinion) should go to this masterwork of half-assed construction from Broadway.
Granted, next to the J/M/Z is less than a prime location, but were those exposed aluminum “chimneys” really necessary? Then again, maybe they are not chimneys at all: perhaps they are mail tubes so the residents of this building can commiserate with each other about how much this building sucks? Either way the end result is hideous.
I have seen people lavish more thought and aesthetics on dog houses. If man’s best friend deserves better, why don’t we homo sapiens?
Miss Heather
Coffin Cacophony in Greenpoint
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
As I have stated in this and this post, Bedford Stuyvesant sports some of the fiercest bikes I have ever seen. I cannot for the life of me understand why Greenpoint didn’t build a dragster out of a coffin first, so I did a little research. That’s when I learned we Garden Spotters prefer to throw coffins, not ride in them. From the October 25, 1885 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle I present to you a donnybrook at William J. Moan’s funeral parlor. Enjoy!
Whatever you do, don’t get drunk with a mortician. You’ll never know when he might want to drum up a little business!
Miss Heather
TODAY: India Street Park Meeting And Iraqi Veterans Against The War
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Today at 6:30 p.m. G.W.A.P.P. will be conducting a general information session at the Pencil Factory regarding the park slated for the western terminus of India Street. Stephanie Thayer of the Open Space Alliance will give a general overview of the project (among other things, I have heard affordable housing is a component— hopefully they’ll go into this) and discuss the next planning session (slated for February 19, time and venue to be determined). Little was said about this park at last month’s Town Hall meeting (the woman in charge of organizing it was unavailable to speak), but it sounds intriguing.
Pencil Factory
142 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Those of you who have the time and live on (or near) India Street really should attend this meeting. I have no doubt it will prove to be very interesting. Check it out!
If parks are not your cup of tea, I have also received word Booklyn will be hosting Iraqi Veterans Against the (Gulf) War this evening at 6:30 p.m. as well.
Booklyn
37 Greenpoint Avenue, Floor 4
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Those of you who cannot attend this event but want to learn more about Booklyn will be happy to learn they host Open Salon nights the first Tuesday of every month. At these events you can check out their collection of artist’s books and show off your own (if you happen to have any). Want to make books but need a little help? Don’t despair: subsequent Tuesdays are dedicated to Open Studios which are (per their web site):
…sometimes… called studio hours, sometimes it’s called labor or skill sharing… We will work for an hour or so on a Booklyn Production Project and in exchange, I’ll teach some book making and/or bring other folks through to teach. You might also exchange your labor for access to Booklyn’s guillotine, shears, saddle stapler, and paper folder.
Attendees are encouraged to bring food to share. A schedule for upcoming Open Studio nights can be yours by sending an email to:
catglennon (at) gmail (dot) com
And that, dear readers, is all she wrote!
Miss Heather
Dragster Of Death
The day was January 31, 2008. After going for a rather length jaunt through Greenpoint, Bushwick and Bedford Stuyvesant I was finally headed home. When I reached the Rite Aid at 783 Manhattan Avenue a car caught my attention.
In fact “Old Fireball” was noticed by quite a number of people, so the owner decided to give them a show.
He revved up the engine and the resulting noise (courtesy of glasspacks) echoed down the street. People cheered. Miss Heather thought this was pretty cool.
Now jump forward to Sunday, February 11, 2008. I was walking down Gates Avenue in Bed-Stuy when I beheld this.
The only words that found their way out of my mouth were Holy Shit! If I ever find myself needing some wheels to transport me to hell, I want this bad boy.
No one ever said eternal damnation couldn’t be stylish. What’s more, it even has a radio.
Miss Heather
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