Nipples: The Body Politic

August 17, 2008 by missheather
Filed under: Area 51

I recently had the pleasure of having a chap on Broadway shout at me:

Hey nipples!

Naturally I looked down and lo, “Left Eye” (as I like to call her), despite being muzzled by a bra was alert and pert. What can I say? Men complain of having “morning wood”. Even more claim they cannot control what their lower head does. Why shouldn’t it be the same for women? If anything, the equipment we ladies sport and the level of restraint we exercuse reining them in is superior. Here’s why:

The way I see it, the male body is a bicameral structure. Wikipedia states:

Although the ideas on which bicameralism are based can be traced back to the theories developed in Ancient Sumer and later ancient Greece, ancient India, and Rome, recognizable bicameral institutions first arose in medieval Europe where they were associated with separate representation of different estates of the realm.

In other words: one above the belt and one below. To invoke British parliamentary procedure, the male body has a House of Commons and the House of Lords.

Wikipedia goes on to say:

Some political scientists believe that bicameralism makes meaningful political reforms more difficult to achieve and increases the risk of deadlock (particularly in cases where both chambers have similar powers). Others argue strongly for the merits of the ‘checks and balances‘ provided by the bicameral model, which they believe helps prevent the passage into law of ill-considered legislation.

I’m a big fan of “checks and balances”. Thankfully the female body has them: “Right Eye” and I keep “Lefty” in check. “Right Eye” is the Executive Branch; she has the right to veto the propositions “Left Eye” puts before her. And she does. Often. My brain is the Judicial branch; it has the right to overturn legislation brought forth by “Left Eye” as being unconstitutional. In other words: things which are bad for my constitution. And I do. OFTEN. The gent who called me “nipples” was not what I would call a “catch”. “Right Eye” agreed. He was an asshole. If I can control two titular heads, why couldn’t this jerk control one?

I mention this anecdote because when I visited Empty Cages Collective last week I saw nipples. After filming and taking pictures of all the beautiful cats of all ages needing homes (for over an hour) I asked who would like to come home with me. Celia, a wee little Flatbush lady, stepped forward.

That’s my backpack you’re looking at! If you’re wondering why Celia’s nipples are pert and discolored it’s because this little girl has been feeding a litter of five cats! It just goes to show that sometimes nipples are employed to do what they are designed for: nourishment. Imagine that!

Anyone interested in adopting Celia or the “Flatbush Five” should contact Empty Cages Collective at emptycagescollective (at) gmail (dot) com.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Another lovely (and lovable) young lady looking for a home is Theresa. You can learn more about her by clicking here or here!

Photo Credit: Before dispatching this pervy tomato into salad heaven I took some cheesecake photos. That was back in 2005. It was quite delicious.